On Marriage: Why Do We Choose…But (More Importantly) Why Do We Stay?

As I finished writing my last entry, an important thought occurred to me which, I think, puts things into perspective.

Every person is unique. Every person has their own set of experiences, values, thoughts, struggles, emotions, reactions and more. Every person has their own perspectives and expectations.

Perhaps the reason why we all fall in love is that we connect with another person at some intersection of things. Depending on how powerful those things are determines the quality and depth of that commitment to that relationship. Perhaps it’s how we, each but together, choose to connect and commit at those intersecting points which determines our devotion.

The reason why my partner and I got together aren’t as important as the reasons why we stay together.

We see the best of what lay within each other, rather than the worst of what we sometimes experience.

We, in the end, always choose to love each other, in spite of all the bruises, bumps and wounds we inflict on each other.

We, in the end, choose to accept responsibility for what we’ve inflicted, rather than obsess about how we’ve been wounded.

We, ultimately, believe in the compromise of each, for the benefit of both.

We are both fanatically devoted to the life, happiness and self actualization of our child. The child we’re raising is, after all, not only the symbolic manifestation of our lives together, but the the actual, tangible, physical manifestation of our combined existence: The worth of our child is greater than the value of our individual selves.

My partner and I still struggle. It’s been a very long time since we were starry eyed lovers holding hands as we strolled, blissfully, – perhaps naively – along. Life has made us occasionally grim, yet ever determined to press onward and upward, but always together…

…the term is “partner” for a reason.

I remember the words of the traditional marriage vows:

For better or for worse…
For richer or for poorer…
In sickness and in health…

There’s a reason why these phrases were included in the vows.

Despite it all, we are devoted to each other, even at the expense of ourselves. And we’re fanatically devoted to our child, even at the expense of both of us.

Be Well, My Friends


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