Had to make one more entry. It's 12 AM here in Philly. While I muse, my son is slumbering happily, in a world I've helped create for him in which he finds little but joy and contentment. My wife is a bit stressed, but she's drifting off to sleep in a world in which she … Continue reading My Fortune (And Hoping I’m Doing It Right)
Before I start, these quotes (and a Billy Joel song) came to mind as I was writing: All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, - William Shakespeare, "As You Like It" It … Continue reading Social Interactions With Others And The Prism Of That Light Within All (And How I’m Learning To Refract It)
I just got back from another shift at the convenience store I'm working at. It's the 3rd time I've worked there and my objective is to use that work in order to reintegrate back into the social / working world. I did struggle with anxiety, but I was able to ease it a bit by … Continue reading Another Shift. Who I Met. Why I’m There.
While I was studying with my son yesterday, my wife went to meet a group of strong, independent women. The women who go keep a journal of their dreams and they share them and discuss them with each other, as well as give mutual support. I don't mind my wife going out and doing things … Continue reading Using My Pain To Encourage My Wife’s Joy
I guess anxiety has become a theme with me the past few days. As a friend has recently commented, it's a daily struggle, not something to be casually ignored or tossed aside. This is very true and I hope I didn't give the impression it's easily dealt with. One example for me is working with … Continue reading Day 2, Round 2: Helping My Son By Fighting Myself
I feel better than I did when I made my last entry. Writing helps. Also, it's sunny and 75 degrees today (in February!). But I thing which really helps is my wife. As always, when I pick my son up, he calls my wife. As they were talking, I thought about how supportive she's been … Continue reading Mutual Misunderstandings And Wounds…But Also Devotion And Love
It's been a challenge today since I wasn't able to get a decent nights sleep last night. This situation is certainly better than it was a few years ago, but the lack of sleep really effects me. I was able to get a way with it when I was younger, but those days are long … Continue reading Fatigue, Fatherhood…And The 100 Acre Wood
I spoke with my wife this morning about the concerns I wrote about last night. Of course, everything is fine. Our financial situation is still tenuous, but we're still floating for now! (lol). I was concerned about finding some way to contribute more. She was concerned that I continue to process the CPTSD (complex post … Continue reading The Need To Live With Safety And Peace
As I finished writing my last entry, an important thought occurred to me which, I think, puts things into perspective. Every person is unique. Every person has their own set of experiences, values, thoughts, struggles, emotions, reactions and more. Every person has their own perspectives and expectations. Perhaps the reason why we all fall in … Continue reading On Marriage: Why Do We Choose…But (More Importantly) Why Do We Stay?
There are some nights when my physical illness prevents me from sleeping. This makes for very long nights, listening to the seconds slowly tick by. These endless nights are followed by days of exhaustion and mental fogginess. The inability to sleep, further impacts my health because it's at night that healing and (mental / emotional) … Continue reading Insomnia Of Fear