The “Primal” Part Of Ourselves Is, Well, Primal

It's been a bit of a challenging week and when I feel overwhelmed I tend to "shut down." It's not the work I'm trying to do which is the problem (which isn't too bad). It's not the external circumstances which are the problem (they're nothing like what happened before). It's not the challenges (which aren't …

My Fortune (And Hoping I’m Doing It Right)

Had to make one more entry. It's 12 AM here in Philly. While I muse, my son is slumbering happily, in a world I've helped create for him in which he finds little but joy and contentment. My wife is a bit stressed, but she's drifting off to sleep in a world in which she …

Social Interactions With Others And The Prism Of That Light Within All (And How I’m Learning To Refract It)

Before I start, these quotes (and a Billy Joel song) came to mind as I was writing: All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, - William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"   It …

Another Shift. Who I Met. Why I’m There.

I just got back from another shift at the convenience store I'm working at. It's the 3rd time I've worked there and my objective is to use that work in order to reintegrate back into the social / working world. I did struggle with anxiety, but I was able to ease it a bit by …

Fighting The Minotaur By Putting Myself Back Into The World (Of Work)

Anxiety is really bad today. It's not anything specific which is troubling me, it's everything. Just making an effort to do anything is really difficult and thinking about the things I need to do is almost sending me into a pannic. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to move. However, I know …

Some Days Are Easier Than Others…But There Is No Break From It

I just got back from my EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing), but I'm still experiencing a lot of pretty intense generalized anxiety. Because I've spent so much of my life trying to suppress it, distract myself from it or numb it out, I never realized the it's depth or intensity. This is the …

Even In Sleep I’m Not Safe

I've had some wickedly nasty dreams for the past 3 or 4 days, so I'm not pushing myself much today. No real "mindfulness," no "meditation," no yoga. I'm going about my day today the way I've gone through most of my life - in a semi-conscious state. I'm pretty zoned out and am letting my …

How I Heal My “Invisible” (Physical) Injuries Of Trauma

(Sorry that this is so long. I suppose I just had a lot to say today and I'm trying to stay proactive and keep writing) Though I'm not a professional and don't claim to have any special "secrets" or expertise on healing emotional trauma (PTSD), there are certain things which I find helpful in my …

(I Will Find) Another Way Of Living

Just got back from my first day of work at a convenience store. My coworkers and the customers are very pleasant and positive. This is a good thing. But the fact remains that minimum wage jobs really suck. If I could pay a mortgage, even rent, working such jobs, I could live with that. In …

Healing Wounds Which No One Sees

There were several things I needed to do yesterday and it was rather challenging. The difficulty is that, for me at least, trying to do anything is rather difficult because it because I don't have much energy and even moving seems to take effort. I know that there are some who utilize the "fight" response …