It's been a bit of a challenging week and when I feel overwhelmed I tend to "shut down." It's not the work I'm trying to do which is the problem (which isn't too bad). It's not the external circumstances which are the problem (they're nothing like what happened before). It's not the challenges (which aren't … Continue reading The “Primal” Part Of Ourselves Is, Well, Primal
Had to make one more entry. It's 12 AM here in Philly. While I muse, my son is slumbering happily, in a world I've helped create for him in which he finds little but joy and contentment. My wife is a bit stressed, but she's drifting off to sleep in a world in which she … Continue reading My Fortune (And Hoping I’m Doing It Right)
Before I start, these quotes (and a Billy Joel song) came to mind as I was writing: All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, - William Shakespeare, "As You Like It" It … Continue reading Social Interactions With Others And The Prism Of That Light Within All (And How I’m Learning To Refract It)
I just got back from another shift at the convenience store I'm working at. It's the 3rd time I've worked there and my objective is to use that work in order to reintegrate back into the social / working world. I did struggle with anxiety, but I was able to ease it a bit by … Continue reading Another Shift. Who I Met. Why I’m There.
Anxiety is really bad today. It's not anything specific which is troubling me, it's everything. Just making an effort to do anything is really difficult and thinking about the things I need to do is almost sending me into a pannic. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to move. However, I know … Continue reading Fighting The Minotaur By Putting Myself Back Into The World (Of Work)
I just got back from my EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing), but I'm still experiencing a lot of pretty intense generalized anxiety. Because I've spent so much of my life trying to suppress it, distract myself from it or numb it out, I never realized the it's depth or intensity. This is the … Continue reading Some Days Are Easier Than Others…But There Is No Break From It
I've had some wickedly nasty dreams for the past 3 or 4 days, so I'm not pushing myself much today. No real "mindfulness," no "meditation," no yoga. I'm going about my day today the way I've gone through most of my life - in a semi-conscious state. I'm pretty zoned out and am letting my … Continue reading Even In Sleep I’m Not Safe