Just Checking In

I'm embarrassed by my entry yesterday. I was hoping that writing would help me process things and help me get through the day in a better state of mind. It doesn't seem to be working out that way. I'm not sure how helpful this blog is. The people I've meet here have been great. Very …

Swimming Through The Seas And Struggling To The Surface…Venting And Random Thoughts

A Frosty Morning At "Black Rock Sanctuary" - Phoenixville, Pennsylvania   @ 4:34 PM - Challenging day again. Doing what I can to process things and maintain something of a more healthy perspective and balance. The challenge is that the underlying emotions are still seething and boiling beneath. Unless I feel cornered and prodded, I'm …

Evening Is Here – The Beast Is Loose Within The Maze…Within Myself

A Bit Grainy, But This Is Center City Philadelphia From The Steps Of The "Franklin Institute"   @ 10:24 PM - Just got back from a movie with my son. Tonight went well and we both had a really good time. Last night was tough. My wife, son and I went to the local mall …

Upon Further Reflection…

Watching the video links from my last entry. It's very odd that my son is more like spongebob, while I'm more like Trent Reznor (character in the video). WARNING...the Trent Reznor video is disturbing and has drug references! I don't know how a sweet, beautiful mind like my son's could have come from one so …

Though In Pain, I “Can’t Stop Dancin'”

A meadow on a foggy morning in Valley Forge National Park Though it's been a tough week, it's been interesting. I live in a very deep darkness, yet I do what I can to shield my child from all I find to be what is normal for me. When my son was young, he was …

Our “Hidden River” and “Little Brook Of Life”

Black Rock Sanctuary in Phoenixville, PA Yesterday morning, before I met with a new therapist, I had gone out for a walk in in a continued effort to process and work through my issues and challenges. The place where I took a walk was on the banks of the Schuylkill river (which winds it's way …

Stuck In The Bog

Picture of Lake George, New York (This is the setting of James Fenimore Cooper's book "The Last of the Mohicans") - This was 2015 trip with my family. It's been a challenging week. Getting myself to write anything or look through the blogs here is taking a great deal of effort. While I do have …

Past, Future And Present

Picture Of The Cape May (Lewes) Ferry @9:57 PM - Although tonight is a better night than others, I have to say that... The past overwhelms me. The future terrifies me. The present immobilizes me. ...and yet, tomorrow is another day.

Why The Evenings Are So Tough

Picture In Phoenixville, Pennsylvania (Suburb Of Philadelphia) It's 5:30 in the evening, here in Philadelphia (Pennsylvania). Evenings have been the most challenging and are one of the main reasons for my starting this blog. I've been ill for over ten years and different times of the year effect me. What I've come to learn is …

Swimming To That Distant Shore

I feel a deep sadness within. For all of my life, I've struggled only to do the right thing...to be a good man...a good father and husband...to simply be a decent person. This has been the consuming passion of my life. At five years old, walking along the beach at night on the New Jersey …